A few months ago two very near and dear friends of my separated and I only write this because I'm going though a lot of feelings that I really need to let out and this is my outlet. Back to why I am writing this post. I decided a few months ago that I needed to make peace with the world around me before I ran out of time. So I looked closely at all the friends that I had on Facebook and decided to write them, special note the ones that stood out in my memory. I forgot one important person. And now that one person is not with us anymore. I look back at all the times that this couple and I have shared and it burns me so badly inside, that I wasn't able to say anything, upset with what had happened. But what I didn't do is call to see what was going on in that head. I've had days where I just can't bare being on this plane of existence and I push that thought out of my mind for the sake of the my family and friends. I struggle to this day, as a matter of fact, called the Dr. to find help. I'm getting it the help I need and pushing though it all. So if you see someone and they look as though they're having a bad day, a smile may make all the difference in the world.
I 'm struggling these days with depression! I said it! How can that be, I have the most beautiful son, loving husband, I'm working as much as I can with a 2 year old and my parents living with me and my husband, my first home, my first garden but it's not complete...I've lost the loving connection of Abigail, my step daughter, that's a long story that needs to left alone. My husband has chronic neck/back problems and migraine headaches that debilitate him and keeps me wondering if he's going to be able to hold out and keep his job, and I struggle with my son...the most awesome thing that I've created (not alone of course) but he is coming into his own and it's is difficult to handle when the only one he wants to be with is me and his dad. My parents, love them with all my heart, but our communication barrier and cultural differences really has the tension so thick you could just about cut it with a knife. My son, Bodhi, is slowly coming around to my parents but he's a hitter, hits my mom and dad as they enter the room and talks ugly to them, I just don't get it. And my brother, I wish you'd find your way!
And my story come to me now, I am an overwhelmed working housewife with my parents living with me, afraid that my husband may lose his job due to his health, I may or may not be going through some type of postpartum depression, I have lack of self esteem, drive, feel unimportant to the universe and all I want to do is play with my kids, go camping and laugh and have a good time, create art for a living for people to enjoy.
So I will continue to struggle but I will continue to speak, I want everyone out there to thank everyone even if it's for the littlest thing. I will create and I hope to have everyone's support. Even if it's a smiley face or a good job I really need it. Now more than ever. Also if you know of anyone who would like a portrait send them my way PLEASE could really use the work.
But my dream is to draw and paint portraits all the time, or what ever of my choosing. It is what it is. So for those of you who actually read through this entire post send me a shout and I'll work a deal out for a portrait or just be happy to hear from someone who cares.
Peace and Joy,
Ping
